I am Woman!

I have a vivid memory of those first months with my newborn twins. We were living in an apartment and I hadn’t showered in about 3 or 4 days. There were two other new moms in the building across the courtyard and each day they would strap their newborns into the “single” snap and go – and walk into town for Starbucks. I knew this because they would pass by my window and I would imagine all the wonderful bonding moments they were creating with each other – over a hot, steamy latte no less. I, on the other hand, had two infants - and the constant juggle of nursing and pumping and rocking and soothing – left little time for anything except the next feeding. I did not know these women and did not really find an opportunity to meet them – but I was so envious of them during those months.

I remember this so well not because it was hard to have twins or because I was so sleep deprived. I remember it because I felt so very isolated during this time. It was not quite the “stay at home” that I imagined. I didn’t know any other women in my unique “twin” situation. I could not easily get out of the house. There were no “double” snap and gos in those days – and I could not easily manage the two infant carriers or the feeding schedule out of the house by myself (I eventually mastered it). I actually learned a great deal about myself during those days. I am a social creature! I crave connection – and not just to my children. I love women. I need women in my life. I sometimes wish I could live with other women. I often joke with my friends that what we need is female communal living – a big giant house with the kids where we all love, communicate and support one another (and cook and babysit) – and then we can “date” our husbands on an “as needed” basis. It’s not that I don’t love my husband or think he is a tremendous father. It’s just that there is a kind of support and connection that other women provide me that no man has ever been able to give – not even my gay male friends!

The media loves to promote the mommy wars - one-sided stories about supermoms having it all, or working mothers vs. stay-at-home moms – but in the end, I think we all need each other. I know that I do! Maybe more than we let on to each other. I often wish I had yelled out the window to those two new moms. Hey, I am here - see me, please! Help me please! Bring me a double shot, low-fat latte - and a blueberry scone!